Miss Delite: Quote

Frasier (16 September 1993—13 May 2004) is an American TV situation comedy, a spin-off of the television show Cheers. The show was critically acclaimed and won a record 39 Emmy Awards during its run.

PREMISE Psychiatrist Dr. Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer) returns to his hometown of Seattle, Washington, following the break up of his marriage and his life in Boston (which was covered in the series Cheers). His plans for his new life as a bachelor are complicated when he is obliged to take in his father, ex-police officer Martin Crane (John Mahoney), who had to retire and is unable to live by himself owing to an injury caused by being shot. Frasier and Martin are joined by Daphne Moon (Jane Leeves), Martin's eccentric English live-in physical therapist and caretaker, and Martin's dog Eddie (Moose). A frequent visitor to their apartment is Frasier's younger brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce), a fellow psychiatrist who, like Frasier, is pompous, snobbish, and overly intellectual. Niles' infatuation with and eventual love for Daphne, feelings which he does not confess to her openly until the final episode of the seventh season, form a complex story arc that span the entire series.

Frasier hosts a popular radio talk show on KACL 780AM (named to honor the show's creators, Angell, Casey, and Lee). His producer is Roz Doyle (Peri Gilpin), a woman with an active romantic life who, while decidedly different from Frasier in taste and temperament, nevertheless becomes a very close friend over the course of the series. (Wikipedia)

QUOTES

Niles: So what you're saying is you want to be closer to Dad, but you don't actually want him around.

Niles: A funny thing happened the other day. One of my patients had a rather amusing Freudian slip. He was having dinner with his wife, and he meant to say "pass the salt," but instead he said "You've ruined my life, you blood-sucking shrew."

Niles: Oh, for goodness sake, Frasier! I'm a happily married man! Maris means the world to me. Why, just the other day I kissed her for no reason whatsoever.

Frasier: By the way, where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.
Niles: She's on your bed.
Frasier: My bed?
Niles: Yes, she's asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.

Frasier: God, I hate lawyers.
Niles: Me, too. But they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.

Niles: Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video - I don't mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night! And that was no mean feat - her room, as you know, is across the hall.

Niles: I really must go, I'm hosting a seminar on multiple personalities and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.

Niles: [about Maris] She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident.
Daphne: Oh dear... Did a plane almost crash?
Niles: No, she was bumped from first class. She still wakes up screaming.

Frasier: Thanks, Niles. You are a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Niles: You're a good brother, too.

Niles: This has been delightful, but I really must run. I'm due at my sexual addiction group, and I don't like to leave them alone for too long.

[Eddie is barking off-screen]
Frasier: What's the matter with him?
Daphne: He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone too. I think he suspects foul play.
[Eddie keeps barking]
Frasier: [to Eddie] Oh, stop it! If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you would have been the tiny little splash that followed him!

Niles: All my life I have dreamed of one thing: the day I could go into a library, go to the card catalogue and see my name under "Mental Illness."

[Niles has been carrying around a sack of flour and pretending it's a baby in order to see if he is ready for the commitment of a real child]
Niles: I was practicing my Tai Chi this morning, and I accidentally kicked him into the reflecting pool. That's when I brought him inside and left him by the hearth to dry.
Frasier: He caught fire?
Niles: I was not as careless as it seems. A real child would have cried before it burst into flames!

Daphne: It makes me glad we don't have so many guns in England.
Frasier: You don't need guns, you have kidney pie.

Daphne: I fell victim to that pressure once. I had a mole removed.
Niles: Where?
Daphne: Just south of Manchester.
Niles: I meant where on your body.
Daphne: So did I.

[Frasier disapproves of Niles buying Maris a car]
Frasier: I happen to think that bribery is the wrong way for couples to resolve their conflicts.
Niles: And during which of your failed marriages did you hone that theory?

Niles: [On being introduced by Frasier] Ah, my brother is too kind. He was already eminent, while my eminence was merely...imminent.

Caller/Mark: Uh hey Dr. Crane. It's Mark.
Frasier: Hello Mark, I'm listening.
Mark: Okay, well, I work at this all night mini-mart and, um, I've been watching myself on the video camera. And the camera me is doing things I don't approve of.

Bulldog: I need this job. I just promised my mom a new pacemaker. Wait, think I can get her to believe I said pastamaker?

Roz: Well, when I'm handing out baloney sandwiches this weekend at the homeless shelter, it will do my heart good to know that a bunch of wealthy men are swishing two-hundred-dollar bottles of wine and spitting it into silver buckets!
Frasier: It's not like we don't recycle the bottles.

Daphne: Oh, come on now, Dr Crane. It's not like men have never used sex to get what they want.
Frasier: How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!

Niles: I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry - if I'm late he can just talk amongst himself.

Niles: If you're talking about the little kiss you two shared, that hardly constitutes a dilemma. It's not as if you plunged into a tawdry office affair.
Frasier: No.
Niles: Then you'd have a real problem.
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: A kiss? It's nothing.
Frasier: Right.
Niles: [grinning] Had sex with her, didn't you?

[Bulldog stands over Roz with a Mistletoe hanging from his cap]
Bulldog: Hey Roz, you know what's over my head?
Roz: Almost any clever remark.
Bulldog: What'd she mean by that?

Niles: I've taken Maris to hundreds of these events and she has not once wanted to dance. Of course, Maris hates public displays of rhythm.

Niles: You don't realize how desperate I am. Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Manicurists, pedicurists, facialists. Whenever you see a man who's well groomed, you can bet he's not gettin' any.

Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe: Hey, I have no sense of decency. That way my other senses are enhanced!

Niles: [about Maris] She's already flown in a sculptor from Sweden to capture her likeness in ice.
Frasier: Ah, the perfect marriage of subject and medium!

Sherry: I just love making people laugh. I think humor is like medicine.
Niles: [quietly, to Frasier] Oh, we must be in the placebo group.

Niles: Her lips said "no" but her eyes said "read my lips."

Niles: [Hoping to reunite with Maris] I saw a twinkle in her eye. One I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.

Frasier: I just can't picture Maris in Dad's '82 Impala.
Niles: Neither could she, at first. I'll never forget the look of wonder on her face at touching vinyl for the first time. She said it made her feel cheap and dirty, and she liked it. I was her first bad boy.

Frasier: Hey, Dad, what are you doing here?
Martin: Oh, Sherry took her sister to that store across the street to buy some "foundation garments".
Frasier: I think they call them "bras" now.
Martin: Not these, you don't. You could cross the River Kwai on one of those babies.

[Niles' gift of an antique saddle for Maris was a disaster]
Niles: Apparently the oils in the saddle reacted badly with her cellulite cream, creating a powerful epoxy.

[Lilith's husband has left her for their male interior decorator]
Lilith: Ironic, isn't it. I get the closet of my dreams and my husband comes out of it.

Roz: [on having in-laws without being married] That's like posing nude for your art teacher and still flunking the course. [Frasier is shocked] Shut up. I needed the credits.

[Niles sees Roz and Martin having coffee together]
Niles: I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?
Roz: [sarcastically] Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom.
Niles: Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

Frasier: I wish you'd see someone about this bug-phobia of yours.
Niles: It's not a phobia, it's a healthy fear of our natural predators. It's us versus them and frankly I'm starting to wonder whose side you're on!

Daphne: I went to all sorts of funerals as a child. My uncle's a mortician. Lovely man. He's offered to do my make-up for the wedding.
Frasier: I can just hear the whispers now. "Did you see the bride? Very life-like."

Frasier: We've got to plan for it. We must all be prepared when the cold hand of death comes knocking on our door.
[Someone knocks on the door]
Frasier: Would you get that?
Niles: I most certainly will not.

Daphne: Beautiful job carving that turkey, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school. In case you're wondering, this bird appears to have died of a massive head trauma.

Frasier: [about the composition of his radio jingle] If less is more, then think how much more more would be!

Frasier: [about Lorna] She had brains, looks, style. And the way she filled out a mohair sweater, well, suffice it to say it was snugger on her than on the goat.
Roz: Why don't you go over and say hello?
Frasier: Oh, god, Roz. She wouldn't even remember me. She was with the "in" crowd. The only people that knew me debated, recited, or were on a six-month visit from Abu Dhabi.

Frasier: We have the wine club tonight, I'm sort of counting on him to help me become "corkmaster."
Roz: But you'll still keep your secret identity as Frasier Crane, right?

Daphne: [about Donny and Martin] They went to a tractor pull.
Niles: Ohhhh...
Daphne: As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor and see how far they can pull it through the mud.
Niles: Ohhhh...
Daphne: The answer to your next question is, "Beats the hell out of me."

Frasier: Lilith was insufferable, but she's got a new boyfriend. Some twenty-eight year-old named Marcel, he's a contortionist with the Cirque du Soleil.
Niles: [incredulously] She's dating French circus folk?
Frasier: Yes, well, he's actually perfect for Lilith: he has no apparent spine and she can wrap him around her finger.

Frasier: Say, you know my agent, Bebe, said she might be stopping by. Have you heard anything?
Daphne: No, and I hope she's not staying for lunch, I'm afraid we're fresh out of live mice.

Frasier: Oh, come on in, Niles. Bebe's just bringing me up to speed on her depressing news about my contract negotiations.
Bebe: Don't worry, dear, I just need to find a way to throw a scare into them.
Niles: Have you tried turning into a bat?
Bebe: I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of tiny creatures.

[On seeing a documentary about pygmies]
Niles: Why do you like pygmies so much?
Martin: They're short and they blow darts. What's not to like?

Niles: Pigeons? I don't like pigeons. They have no respect for public art.

[Frasier has suscessfully argued a motion forcing Cam to park his Hummer in the subbasement, citing pollution concerns]
Cam Winston: Listen, Crane, you may have bamboozled the condo board, but we both know you just want more room to swing your fat ass into that BMW!

[Frasier and Roz have slept together]
Frasier: Do you know what she's going to see when she looks at me now?
Martin: Your naked body?
Frasier: Oh, dear God! I was gonna say, "somebody that's betrayed her trust," but-oh, dear God!

[Frasier and Roz have slept together, and are grading each other on their performance]
Roz: I think you made your opinion clear when you yelled "Outstanding!".

Roz: [Phoning Daphne] Daphne, it's Roz. Quick, turn on your TV, my building is on the news.
Daphne: [Surprised] What?
Roz: [Carelessly] Some murder-suicide thing. [cheerfully] I'm gonna wave to you from my balcony!

Frasier: Pardon me, I have to go poke my mind's eye out.

Frasier: Star Trek is just a TV show.
Noel Shempsky: So was Brideshead Revisited!
Frasier: You're angry, so I'm going to ignore that!

[Frasier and Niles think Barry may have gone into "Bad Billy's"]
Niles: I wonder what kind of place that is?
Frasier: Well, let's see - Tuesday is leather night, so it's probably some kind of shoe outlet!

[Niles is jealous that Alistair asked Frasier to his post-performance party]
Martin: Let's see - one of my sons just got picked up by a guy, my other son is jealous. Yep - life is good!

[Frasier is adamant Alistair sees him as just a friend]
Frasier: He does not think I'm gay!
Niles: He thinks I'm gay, and I'm standing next to my pregnant wife!

[After everyone has met Frederick's goth girlfriend]
Niles: Well, at least he's not dating outside the faith.

Frasier: So, how do the calls look today?
Roz: Well, we've got a couple of jilted lovers, a man who's afraid of his car, a manic depressive, and three people who feel their lives are going nowhere.
Frasier: Oh, I love a Monday.

FYI

Dr. Frasier W. Crane was played by Kelsey Grammer for twenty years, tying the record for the longest-running character on prime-time American television, which was set by James Arness, who played Marshal Matt Dillon on the show Gunsmoke.

Frasier's final spoken line is "Wish me luck."

While it had originally been intended that Frasier be an only child, David Hyde Pierce was hired because Frasier producers saw his headshot and commented on how much he looked like a young Kelsey Grammer.

Ultimately Niles and Daphne marry in Reno, Nevada, and the series ends with the birth of their son, David, who is born at a veterinary clinic. David is named after Frasier co-creator David Angell who was killed, along with his wife Lynn, in the crash of American Airlines Flight 11 in the September 11, 2001 attacks.

Niles' last line is "I'll miss the coffees."

Roz Doyle is named as a tribute to a producer of the television series Wings (having the same creators as Frasier), who died from breast cancer in 1991.

In the show's final episode, Roz becomes station manager of KACL after the previous manager, Kenny Daly, decides to become a DJ again.

The casting choice for Roz Doyle was narrowed down to Peri Gilpin and Lisa Kudrow. Kudrow got the role, but was replaced after a few rehearsals. The writers found themselves watering down her character "because Lisa just didn’t play forceful." Jim Burrows also noticed that "Kelsey was pulling back in scenes with her because if he went all out like he usually did, he completely overpowered her."

Kelsey Grammer was briefly the highest-paid television star in history, reaching a salary of $1.6 million per episode for the last two seasons; his record was surpassed by Ray Romano within a year.

The season 4 episode "Head Game" only featured Frasier for the first few minutes, with the rest of the episode revolving around Niles. This role was written for Frasier, but Grammer was being treated for his addiction problems, so it was re-written for Niles instead.

At one point during Jane Leeve's pregnancy absence, it is mentioned that Daphne has lost 9 lbs 12 oz (4.4 kg) at the spa, an inside joke referencing the birth weight of Leeves' daughter, Isabella.

No building or apartment in Seattle really has the view from Frasier's residence. It was created so the Space Needle would appear more prominently.

Kirstie Alley (Rebecca on Cheers) refused to appear on Frasier because it showed psychiatry in a positive light (she's a Scientologist).

On Cheers, Shelley Long did not like the Frasier character and lobbied hard to get Grammer removed from the show. The producers disagreed, noting that the audience liked him.

John Mahoney appeared in an episode of Cheers, as Si Phlembeck, an over-the-hill advertising executive hired by Rebecca to write a jingle for the bar.

Peri Gilpin was in a Cheers episode titled "Woody Gets an Election", playing a reporter who interviews Woody when he runs for office.